copyright 1997

Continuing on what Iapos;ve been talking about with friendships and relationships in my life...

I am blessed to be in the program I am at school right now. I am blessed with all the work Iapos;ve done on myself on so many levels in the past several years. The program I am in right now really forces to look at ourselves in ways people rarely do. It forces us to deconstruct ourselves so very thoroughly and construct this new person so to speak. The essence of the original person is there, but what is presented changes to one degree or another. And if we are to be effective therapists, we must continue to examine our own "shit" and rebuild. Of course everyone in life should do that to be effective, but even more so the therapists.

Part of my school stuff right now is 2 hours group supervision and 1 hour individual supervision associated with my internship. In addition to that I have 3 hours of field supervision associated with the department. These supervision times are excellent times for us to not only look at client issues and how we might help our clients, but first and foremost, for us to deal with ourselves and what we are bringing into our sessions with our clients.

Well for me right now I am struggling with how I form and maintain the kinds of relationships I form and what the pros and cons are of the kinds of relationships I have right now. This in turn relates to the same struggles my clients are having in their own lives, just manifesting a little differently for them. So it means I can relate to my clients as I go through my own struggle. If I choose to be genuine (which I tend to do) and allow my client to see just a glimpse of the real Patrick, I can allow them to see I struggle too. This helps normalize it and helps them dig deeper.

This morning was my 2 hour group supervision of which there are 5 interns (including me) and the supervisor. I have to say it one of the best supervisions Iapos;ve ever had as to the depths we are willing to go in session with each other. Today just happened to be the day we all decided talking about relationships was perfect So instead of talking about client cases directly, we talked about ourselves so we could help our clients by better understanding ourselves.

I came to understand a little bit more about how I naturally form relationships. I have a shy, quiet, sometimes insecure little boy inside who needs his solitude sometimes, and I have the outer gregarious, happy devil may care, self-assured, friendly guy who everyone things is doing so very well and must surely have so many friends he must not need any more closer friends. He must not surely need me (the other person) to call him and say how are you doing as surely there are other people in his life who do that.

I have done so much work on myself through the help of professional organizations and school. When I belong to any organization, I naturally find myself rising very quickly to the top in some way leadership and mentoring wise. This affords me excellent opportunity to create many genuine and sometimes intense relationships. Unfortunately, it acts as a natural barrier to turning any of them into something more personal as a friendship which truly transcends the organization in which we meet.

It means that the vast majority of relationships formed through these means do not extend to situations where I am asked to go places with the other person. Iapos;m not called by the other person just to say hi and see how Iapos;m doing.

I am NOT saying there is anything wrong with those kinds of relationships. They are very real. They are valid. They are beneficial. It is when they are the only kinds of relationships I have that there is an issue.

It is time for me to step beyond these relationships and nuture mutually compatible relationships with people where we take the time to call EACH OTHER just to say, "Hey How are you? Iapos;m always here for you" Or, "Letapos;s go for a walk" Or "Letapos;s get coffee"

It is possible some of my existing friends could become what Iapos;m looking for. Frankly, I donapos;t think that is the case as Iapos;ve tried with many of them. The ones Iapos;ve not are simply too far away to try it with. Though even distance wise, they could be people I do it with on a long distance thing.

I am in exploration of ideas how to approach local people to become the friends I need now in my life. Not to replace any of my existing friends (all of whom I value), but to supplement these friendships with another kind of friendship.

Any takers? And to the couple of you reading this who are already there Thank you Thank you to the rest of you for being in my life to whatever degree you are as well, for it is all good.

continental bakery birmingham alabama, copyright 1997, copyright 1997 jeff napier, copyright 1998, copyright 2001.